i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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