I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
