Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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