Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
