are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
