...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
