We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
