I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
