Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
