i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
