My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
