when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
