It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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