hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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