she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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