I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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