oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
