He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
