Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
