After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
