I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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