Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
