forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
