I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
