Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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