he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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