why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
