Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
