Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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