i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
