maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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