i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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