There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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