Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
