I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
