just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
