apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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