I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
