You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
