I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
