Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
