I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
