The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
