chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
