$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think my moral compass just broke
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
