my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You made out with two different species that night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
