So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
