I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
