also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
