No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
