Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
