i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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