the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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