Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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