What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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