I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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