So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
