So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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