in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
