I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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