We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
