nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
