I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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