would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would fuck him just for his dog
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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