I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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