like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
