Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
