tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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