After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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