Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
