Got a toothbrush?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
